Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Church Lock-ins and Growing Faith

You wonder about the inventor of Church lock-ins. What fool, I mean genius, put down the ingredients of a church lock-in and then thought, yes this will be good. Let’s start with a bunch of kids ranging in age of 7 to raging hormones completely out of control. For those not verse in the current scientific literature, raging hormones completely out of control is the official name for the American teenager. If one peruse many technical journals, one can find technical papers with titled like Internet Habits of Raging Hormones Completely Out Controls, The Effects of Raging Hormones Out of Controls on the Life Span of the Typical Suburban Parents and many other fun titles, but that is for another day.

Back to the ingredients for that just perfect Church lock-in. Now, add sugar and caffeine and plenty of it, in the form of pop and candy. This is important for the whole experience, the amount should be equivalent to the amount of sugar that would make you average dentist question his career choice. Any less won’t due. Add a healthy dose of pepperoni pizza. Finally, lock them all in at the church from the dark to sunrise. Let the fun begin and what fun.

I almost forgot the most important element, adult volunteers that the kids can completely ignore for the evening. These volunteers should be Christ centered and followers of Jesus. They will need to be as around eleven at night these poor souls will be down on their knees praying to God for survival. Also, it is best that these volunteers have never been to a Church lock-in. Any experience with one will make them all that harder to recruit. In many cases just announcing upcoming church lock-in will be good to chase away the experience adults making the innocent adults easier to pick off, I mean offer the opportunity to volunteer to shepherd the little dears toward Christ.

I remember my first lock-in. It took years of therapy, but I recovered from the Spiritual awakening that lock-ins provide. The nightly flashbacks faded for the years. I remember the other volunteers barricading on that night as the ragging battle around us. The screams, the yelling, the humanity of it all. As an experience it drew me closer to Jesus, a lot closer to Jesus. The prayer that night, “Help me, help me, Dear Jesus, Help me.”

When the light hit the stain glass and I knew that I and the other volunteers had survived, I praised my God for life. I wondered who though lock-ins. I want to meet the man. It had to be a man, as few mom would be stupid—I mean visionary enough to think such a lovely way to spend a night. So, next you need to fill closer to God, I am sure a local church can use you at their next lock-in.

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