Friday, April 16, 2010

The Binding of Isaac

Faith is in the living, and living is in the blood, bodily excretions and breath. I know this as my son is going through his struggles and surgery.  When we prepped him, he was unaware of the major trauma he was about to endure. I held him until the doctor took him away to be gassed.They would then cut open his skull and correct the damage caused by his condition, NF-1. I held him in love before the knife lowered. The next time I would see him, he would have over 130 stitches. The tragedy of being a father is knowing the suffering will come and being with your child afterward and giving all you can give, your presence.

Sometimes parents comfort themselves with the idea that they are suffering more than their sick children. A defensive tool we use to hold back the misplaced guilt of seeing our children suffer. But I know my son had to face more pain and suffering than I did through his operation. The truth was I am helpless in the face of his pain. The surgery was necessary and the truth was he had to go through his pain. I fell powerless in the face of his pain, even as I understood it. Isaac held the knife about his son, I led my son unsuspecting to the knife. He did not understand my words yet, much less the seven hour plus operation. Yet, I love him. I felt the pain of seeing him with dried blood on his scalp. I rejoiced when he awakened and would repeat my lip smack. Healing comes slow.

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