Saturday, September 13, 2008

Forgiveness and the power of Love

Areas and Spaces in Silence.

Is there a theology of fatherhood? I am soon to become a father and I have been thinking about being a father. My father disappeared from my life when I was young until...

...There was this strange silence at the other end. I said hello and introduced myself. I asked for forgiveness. He answered with Silence. I suddenly found myself reacting to this Silence. Were all the stories I told myself for so many years true? Did my real father not love me? Was I the reason he left. All of my fears of not being “lovable,” were being proved in this Silence. The whole week before I had his phone number on my desk. Fear of calling shaped me that whole week. I found every excuse not to call, and my week was horrible. Edgy and mean, I created ugly for the people round me. Then I called...

....So I called to reconcile with a man who I had lost contact for twenty-four years. I would be hard press to point out my own father in a room of strangers. It took every bit of strength I had to call. And how was my gesture of reconciliation greeted? Silence...

...Then he spoke. He spoke to me in Spanish, his language. He asked me about my life. I asked him about why he cut-off connection. He answered. For about an hour we conversed, and something transformed in me through this process of engaging the Silence. I was present to love. As I started to look at the life I had been leading, and what I would be like after this conversation, I realized I entered into a realization that would permanently alter who I am. This happen ten years ago, and I am still in this process of engaging the Silence. I knew that my father was a man, flawed and yet...

...I found God. I am also flawed man, as all men are flawed. Humility means understanding and accepting this truth. Prayer can be entering the Silence being aware of God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

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